Traded the 9-5 for peace

This summer, Hubby and I had the absolute pleasure of sitting down with Julien and Kiersten of rich&REGULAR to discuss all things family, entrepreneurship, and financial independence. We were joined by Anwar and Shanell of The Grand Event Design and Decor. We had an incredible time just talking about our lives as parents and our experiences with our businesses. Of course, I knew this conversation would be released to the public. However, I was blown away by the love shown after hearing our story. More specifically, the narrative surrounding my transition away from the 9-5. I took that as a sign. It is time for me to give the whole story.

July 2014

I was working a job, which was just that... A job. There was no room for growth, and I felt I was in an 'I'm too good for this job' situation. I'm going to toot my own horn here; I knew I was capable of more. Hubby had been helping me look and apply for jobs when I got THEE call. Within a week and a half, I completed three interviews, accepted the new position, quit the old job, and I was on a plane to Maine to kick off seven weeks of training! I was the newest Account Associate at a healthcare IT company, and I couldn't have been happier!

The first badge picture was ROUGH!

I immediately felt like I belonged there. The vibe felt right. My office moved from a very drab office in the suburbs to a swanky in-town location. It was a lofty space with couches located along a catwalk, beer in every fridge, and the best celebrations for any (and every) occasion. Morale was always through the roof; people wanted to be there! 

Speaking of people… I adored the team I worked with. It was easy to make lifelong friends when we were all so happy to be working together.  When I got up to go to work every day, I felt needed and necessary. I was responsible for the overall performance of my clients, which consisted of small and large doctor's offices. It included daily monitoring and interactions, good and bad, and although it was pretty overwhelming at times, it was meant for me.

Guys, I was GOOD at it!

Over time, as new people joined the team, I quickly found myself in a mentor-type role. I helped new hires on board and joined various groups to put myself in line for leadership roles. My heart swelled when I was helping someone else. It didn't matter if it was my teammates or my clients. That's where I got my feels. If I knew how to do a thing, I would go above and beyond to help someone trying to figure out that thing.

Additionally, I wanted to be innovative in my approaches. If my way of doing something didn't work for you, I would sit with you until we figured out how to mesh ideas and develop a new way. I don't sit on knowledge; my goal was always to share.

Things changed...

Around 2017, the company as a whole started to take a turn. There were layoffs and leadership changes, and that vibe that I initially fell in love with disappeared. Trust me; it was way more than losing the beer fridge and free fruit on Wednesdays. Some changes were necessary to sustain, but I believe it came at a cost far higher than money. I felt the employees began to lose steam and passion. Slowly, our work became robotic and overbearing. 

I was beginning to feel as though I was being stretched too thin. In 2019, I had accepted a new role as a manager, and I was excited because I was thrust into that mentor role that I loved. But it became harder and harder to be a mentor because inside, I was crumbling. I grew tired of the robotics. As a customer success manager (new role with the company transitions), I lost control of what worked for me for the past four years. The individualization was being sucked out of the role, and it literally sucked! I was physically sick more times than I cared to mention. The worst part was that I lost the drive to lead others.

It all came to a head...

I rode the train to work every day. I worked about 30 minutes from home, on a good day. Even if you don't live in Atlanta, you know that traffic here is terrible. I avoided all of that by hopping the train to Midtown and catching the shuttle to the office. It worked for me, and most times, I enjoyed it.

This particular day, once I got on the train, my palms were extremely sweaty, and my breathing was shaky. I thought I was just hungry and decided to pick up a bagel once I got to work. When I got to my stop, my knees were shaking as I walked off the train. I had to hold on to the rail going up the steps because I felt like I would fall over. BTW, I previously never touched the rail; it was disgusting, lol. But by the time I reached the top of the platform, tears were flowing down my cheeks, and I had no idea they were there. Everything was blurry, and it took everything out of me to get on the shuttle. 

I started doing a play-by-play of the day's schedule during the shuttle ride because I wanted to plan my escape. I wasn't going to last all day at work. Maybe I was getting sick, and I wasn't just hungry. I pulled myself together because I had a job to do, which included a call with a client in about 45 minutes.

Thankfully, hardly anyone was in the office when I arrived (I was always hella early) except for my coworker, who I believe is my angel (that's what she shall be referred to as for the rest of my life). She popped over to my desk with her beautiful smile that quickly faded when she saw the distress all over my face. She could barely ask me what was wrong before I was in complete hysterics. I knew I was crying this time... I couldn't breathe or talk. Everything around me was turning black, and my heart was sure to jump out of my chest. She pulled me into a conference room and began to pray and speak positivity over me. At the time, I had no idea what was happening. I just knew she was there, and I knew I was dying. 

Of course, not literally, but that's what it feels like to have a panic attack. When I finally came around. My angel had me in a full embrace and started making me drink water. Then I immediately felt embarrassed. My angel was one of my mentees. If I'm the mentor/leader/wannabe people manager, how in the WORLD could I let her see me like this? It was at that moment that I knew I couldn't do it anymore. I told her that, in that conference room. I was done. 

@anxiety_wellbeing - no caption required

She started packing my things and was trying to figure out how to get me home safely, and I uttered the strangest words… 'I have a call in a few minutes.' She looked at me like I had ten heads. I was claiming to be done, but I still chose to be on this call with a client even though it was killing me. That day, and every day, I put the work before my health, and that could no longer happen. I did leave after that call. To this day, I have no idea if the client ever got what they needed from me.

Thank God for my therapist and my HUBBY!

Thankfully, I had a therapy appointment already scheduled for that afternoon. The Lord knew what kind of day I would have and knew I would need to talk to someone. We concluded that the anticipation of having to continue in the space that I was in was ultimately going to be my undoing. That was the reason for the panic attack. Mentally and physically, I could no longer be my best self there. I hardly ever do anything without it being 100%, so I knew I had to leave.

It so happened to be Hubby's birthday! (I know, I know I ruined it!) Instead of having a wonderful birthday dinner, I come home completely wiped. Of course, he already knew what had happened, but I gave him all the details, including details from my appointment. My husband looked at me and said words that I was scared to ask him… 'so why don't you just quit?' Now I was looking at him like he had ten heads. If you watched the Money on the Table episode, you know that we had spent years before that day paying off debt. At the time, we only had a mortgage, daycare, and essentials like internet and electricity.  No student loans, no car payments, and no credit card debt - WINNING! 

To him, it was a no-brainer as his income covered our expenses and lifestyle. My income allowed us to be nearly debt-free (we were the debt snowball experts). If I didn't work, we would be able to eliminate the most considerable expense, daycare. It made sense, and he knew the importance of having a WHOLE wife and mother and not just the pieces he was getting. He knew I needed to heal and take care of myself, and I couldn't do it if I was giving my whole self to a company that was no longer 'paying me back.'

If it's costing you your peace, it's too expensive

The train ride the next day was very different. I felt light as a feather because the only thing weighing me down was the 2-week notice in my work bag. I was finally doing what I needed to do for myself and my family. While I was scared out of my mind because I had no plan for what to do next, I was relieved! 

Here's to new beginnings!

The day before my birthday, May 29, 2019, I walked out of the building, and I haven't looked back. Well, I've gone back a couple of times because the food court and shops there are fun. BUT, I did not even think about hitting the elevator for the 9th floor. I'm proud of myself for choosing me. I'm incredibly thankful for the most supportive and loving husband in the world. I also owe the sun, the moon, and the stars to my angel.

My coworkers were (and still are) amazing! I want to share a million pictures of all of them, but I'll share the cake they bought for me instead!

My brother has a tattoo that says "everything happens for a reason," and I'm a firm believer in that. We would not have the booming catering business we have today if I was still working. My family would have fallen apart if I wasn't at home while the world turned upside due to covid. My husband would not have been promoted to VP of his company if I couldn't hold it down at home. I'm far from the 1950s traditional housewife, but I put my all into making sure Hubby and my boys are good! I failed at that job before. Now I'm better because I have the mental and physical space to take care of ME first. 

Grace, Space, and Love,